Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Top Gnar guide to snowboarding cars

 
We like snowboarding and we like Top Gear. It’s time for a quick interwebtastic mash-up as we introduce...

The Top Gnar guide to snowboarding cars
(Guaranteed to not include jokes about lorry driver murderers)

*Gnar is a shortened version of gnarly and it is therefore the abbreviated version of a shit bit of slang. I have only used it here because of the traditional requirement of a weak pun in the title.

Let's have a look at how we have cleverly pigeonholed the different ways you can mix snowboarding with cars.


1. Snowboardvertising
The first rule of advertising: Snowboarding is cool so it will make your cars look cool!
let's look at the three examples I found:

Audi TT. Not a car you would think would be all that handy to stick a snowboard bag in has got in on the act. Here they emphasise the qualities of the car by having a flock of synchronised snowboarders attack it. I'm a bit freaked out by the snowboarders producing the streaks of yellow snow. I'm really not sure what the subtle message is...
Oh. It's a weak pun. Welcome on board folks

Volvo have upped the stakes by having Burton collaborate on a car design. The best bit of this collaboration though is the press release. (http://www.snowboard-mag.com/node/15878)
I can just imagine the, clearly never been snowboarding, PR guys as they wrote these gems...

First of all they shoehorn in a lot of 'snowboarding' terms:
'The cargo compartment is tricked out' - word!
'The real kicker is the custom leather center console' - genius
'By no means is this a slam-dunk conversion.' - hang on a sec, that's not the right sport lads
'A vibrant blue hue has been applied to the calipers for a totally rad look.' - yeah rad! Just like Kid & Play and spokey-dokeys.
And then they just get plain mystic:
'Custom blue LED lighting makes the gear glisten in the dark like so many snowflakes on a moonlit winter night.' - ahh bless.

And what did they end up with?
Here it is. A car with a snow camouflage paint job. Guess that took the work experience kid a few hours to think up.
And last, and by all means least, Vauxhall get in on the act with this...
with 0% interest

Well I guess advertising cars with snowboarding must work. Hang a banger, aren't GM busy going bankrupt?

2. Car jibbery pokery
Lets get on with some proper snowboarding.

Fed up of breaking yourself on rails? Try a car for size...
Cute - The car has a matching hat
Or try a car whist having fun with all your doppelgangers...

Or try a van...
Freaky one-armed kid

Or jib a hen party...


Or a building...

There were hundreds of videos of people getting pulled behind cars on snowboards but that skier just went one better.

3. Carboarding

Or instead of the almost commonplace snowboarding on the car approach why not try turning you car into a snowboard:
This is what we hoped for...
This is what we got...
Or this might float your boat...
This is a hell of a concept. Snowboarding for fatties...
Freaky sign looks like it has an evil smile. Its beady little eyes are following me round the screen!

4. Car SnowParking
Alright, it probably should have fitted into the last section, but to finish off I thought it deserved its own section and one final weak pun.
Some oddly-faced US rally driver takes his car to Snow Park and generally gets in the way and causes mischief. Mint...

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