Thursday, December 20, 2012

Top 10 Snowboarding Pop Princesses & Where You Might Run Into Them

It's another in our hard-hitting investigative series in which we out celebrity snowboarders - This week we track down our top 10 pop songstresses...

Katy Perry
Cakey Perry
Everyone’s favourite faux-lesbian, misguided husband selector and cake bomber is also a confirmed snowboarder. Here’s more than you ever wanted to know about her snowboarding history from an interview on the Ski Snowboard Show site.
How did you get into snowboarding?
I grew up in Santa Barbara, California, and used to skateboard and surf with my brother and sister, so from those two sports, snowboarding was a natural step. I brought my parents, brother and sister along with me to Ischgl so we could all enjoy Europe. I think my little brother is lost somewhere on the mountain as we speak.
Have you ever skied?
No. I just got into snowboarding because all the cool kids were doing it! I never gave skiing a go. I’m petrified on a snowboard as it is, so I can’t imagine how scary it would be having two sticks stuck to my feet.
What’s your snowboard style?
Like my stance, goofy! It’s not that good. I’m a little bit scared at first then I regain my confidence, and by the third day I’m swishing down a part of the mountain that’s rather beyond my snowboarding capabilities.
Do you hang out in the park?
I’m not good in the park – I’ll leave that to my brother. He does backflips and, y’know, defies gravity. I want to stay alive.
That's not the only evidence we could find of her snowboarding credentials, she was also aggressively stalked around a Burton Snowboard store in 2009 whilst clad in Spandex. 
There you go, she’s a snowboarder, so where are you most likely to find her? That seemingly endless article has the answer:
Where’s the best place you’ve ever been snowboarding?
Living in California you don’t really have prime snow, unless you get lucky in Mammoth. Sun Valley in Idaho is lovely but Ischgl is probably one of the better places I’ve been to.
Ischgl, in case you aren’t sure, is pronounced by sneezing.

Leona Lewis
It’s the dull one off the X Factor. Remember the X Factor? In 2008 she had a try at snowboarding and here’s what she had to say in this interview. 
'I thought the mountain scenery, covered in snow, was just stunning,' said 23-year-old Leona. 'I've never seen anything so beautiful – so much so that I asked if I could stay on in Ischgl and have some snowboarding lessons. It's something I've never tried before.'
'It's been great,' said Leona. 'The surroundings are wonderful. And the snowboarding has gone really well, I think – well, I haven't hurt myself and the snow is really soft when you do have a fall.
'It's the first time I've ever snowboarded – in fact, it's the first time I've really been in the mountains. And I absolutely love it.'
From what I can see that was the first and last time she snowboarded, still it counts and she is a confirmed snowboarder. You’re most likely to find her in…. Ischgl, because they just pay a lot more for celebrity appearances. That’s why I go.

Christina Milian
Like a lot of other celebrities, Christina Milian decided to learn snowboarding in front of the cameras at the Sundance film festival. She had a go in 2009. That’s all I know about Christina Milian.
Human descentipede

LeAnn Rimes
Next up it's the country-singing child star who produced her greatest hits album by the time she was 21. Getting her whole career out of the way early freed up her time to have an affair with Eddie Cibran who, as a confirmed celebrity snowboarder himself, encouraged her to get involved. We can live the experience vicariously through her tweets:
“OK, so I’m snowboarding and learning new things and I’m getting it! Every once in a while I’ll catch an edge and bust my A$$! My knees are taking a beating cause I’m learning my toe edge,”
“I am in SOOOOOO much pain right now, but it’s all worth it. I’m getting much better! ICE PLEASE … NOW! I have an egg like looking thing on my left knee.”
“OMG, please get me Advil and maybe a shot or tequila! I had butt pads on, but OF COURSE opted out of THE KNEE PADS today : ) DUMB.”
"OMG. Learning to snowboard about as fun as taking a romantic drive with Chris Brown! LOL :)"
Ok, hands up, she didn't tweet that last one.
She’s been papped a few more times since then and every time she’s been hitting up Aspen.

The Badger-Faced Avril Lavigne
Throughout history Canada has been responsible for foisting a disproportionate deluge of shit music on the world. You'd think they'd be spending the rest of eternity apologising to the rest of us, but incredibly they've decided to do the exact opposite and double-up the torture with the news that Avril Lavigne is now one half of Canadian supercouple Chavril (they even hooked-up on Canada Day). I'm afraid there's more bad news, because she's a confirmed snowboarder. This one, I’ll leave to an extract from Seventeen magazine
Sk8ter Girl Meets Sn0 Boi
I meet with Avril again about a month later in Mt. Hood, Oregon, for some real action: snowboarding! Avril (who has boarded before and is already pretty good) is going to learn some tricks from 21-year-old JP Tomich, a pro boarder on the Quiksilver team. They'er on a steep slope near the top of the mountain, and Avril has just wiped out. her managers are freaking. I wonder if this might drive even the antidiva to a tantrum, but while her peeps yell for first aid, Avril just lies in the snow, laughing. Her scrapes are determined to be minor, and she and JP race back up the mountain. On the slopes I see an entirely different side of Avril: the kid. No dark eye makeup, no punk bracelets--this is the girl who followed her older brother around, determined to do anything he could. She's having a great time just goofing off.
Later, JP admits he was skeptical that a star would be able to snowboard; he was surprised by Avril's skill. Not that she's likely to go pro anytime soon (there's that little musical career keeping her busy), but she definitely holds her own on a scarey slope. She keeps boarding after our shoot is over, and jP joins her. Hmmm...they seem to be hitting it off. I wonder if there will be a song on the next record called "Sn0 Boi"?
Thankfully the sport of snowboarding has so far managed to avoid that fate. Let’s take a gander at that terrifying fall.

It was touch and go there for a minute, but apparently she lived. There's some good news though: the horse-faced lad from Nickelback is, to the best of our knowledge and all fingers-crossed, not a snowboarder.

Lisa Miskovsky
So there we were innocently searching for Swedish girls on the internet and one of them happening to have something to do with this article. Lisa has produced four albums, written an instantly forgettable song for the Backstreet Boys and was in the running to be the 2012 Eurovision Song Contest entry for Sweden. She’s also by far the best snowboarder on the list, because before her pop career she was in the Swedish national snowboard team. Here she is snowboarding in an amazingly tiny video exhibiting an unusual arm style strangely reminiscent of a kitten toying with a piece of wool. 
You’ll find her in the Swedish resort of Åre, which from my experience is the epicentre of the creation of the worst pizzas in the world.

Kylie Minogue
The pocket-sized popster (the photo above is to scale) is also a surprisingly good snowboarder according to the testimony of none other than, Christian Stevenson, the dulcet tones of the British snowboarding scene, in an interview with Red Bull.
I also hosted a snowboarding series for MTV with someone called Kylie Minogue, who let me tell you rips on a snowboard!”
RB: Kylie Minogue rips on a snowboard!?
CS: “Yeah man! People just don’t understand, she is insanely good on a snowboard and is pretty good on a skateboard too.”
RB: So let’s get this straight, you have Kylie’s number on your phone!
CS: (Laughing) “Used to but not anymore. Maybe the bed and the shower scene didn’t go down too well with my wife!!”
I can't shed any light on what that reference was about.
And if you’re a diminutive celebrity snowboarder here’s where you head during the winter with your giant boyfriend:
POP princess Kylie Minogue whisked her new toy-boy lover off to the French Alps for the New Year.
The singer, 40, jetted to Chamonix-Mont-Blanc for a snowboarding break with Andres Velencoso Segura, 30.
Kylie and Spanish model Andres got together last October after she split up with Olivier Martinez. A source said: "They are really smitten with each other. It's lovely to see Kylie so happy.
"Kylie loves snowboarding and is pretty proficient. Andres has never been before - it's a mark of how much he likes her that he was prepared to go on holiday and do a sport he hadn't really done before."
The other day I played a game of darts with some blokes I barely know. I would like to state at this point that I did not play that game as a mark of how much I fancied them.

That's Pink and her on-and-off husband Carey Hart who's yet another confirmed celebrity snowboarder. All I've got on her snowboarding is this intriguing insight:
Pink and Carey Hart get cosy with a snowboarding trip to Mammoth, California. Pink spent time around New Years Eve in the snowy resort, but took time out to take pictures of an unfortunate man who was left hanging from the ski lift.

While the juggernaut that is Gangnam Star consumes the world of music it’s appropriate that our next bunch of prospective snowboarding popsters also hail for the musical madness of South Korea. In what must be the first official snowboard/pop industry hook-up the snowboard clothing company STL paid the SISTAR girls to promote their 2010 clothing line and as we've seen before snowboard fashion and photo posing in Korea is something quite special to behold. According to this article, "the girls were energetic throughout the shoot and brought a lively attitude to the photos with their charismatic posing." Now this is how all snowboard gear should be promoted...
Despite their keenness to promote the STL brand there’s no sign that any of the SISTARs actually snowboard so it’s a strange link-up.
But at least they know the sign language

Justin Bieber
Finally we come full circle and finish with another famous lesbian. That's a girl right? It's another spawn of Canada and in a double travesty you've just been exposed to a picture of a Canadian popster signing the dross that was a Bitch board. The Beibster is a confirmed snowboarder, and skier...and walker, the multi-talented whippersnapper.
Before heading back to the Big Apple for the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lighting, Justin Bieber unwound with a snowboarding lesson at Canyons Resort in Park City, Utah. After his lesson, the teen star was spotted skiing a bit and also walking around town
As well as Park City, and despite the fact he lives in a country entirely formed of snow, well snow and shit music (most memorably combined by the horrific rapper Snow), the misguided Biebernator recently sought out his snowboarding buzz in the unlikely venue of a snowdome in Manchester:  
After getting thousands of teenage hearts pounding with his two huge gigs at the M.E.N. Arena this week, it was time for pop sensation Justin Bieber to get a few thrills of his own here in Manchester.
First he headed to the indoor ski slope at Chill Factore next to the Trafford Centre, before heading down the road for a pitstop at the Daytona go-karting track.
Where he did his best Home Alone impression
And we'll finish, like any good snowboard article should, with a clip of Justin Bieber vomiting.

Merry Christmas

You Might Also Like…
Behold the magesty of South Korean snowboard fashion and posing. Seriously, someone needs to start importing this shit if the comments on that article are anything to go by.

Be like Pink and laugh at people falling of ski lifts.

Apart from Justin Bieber, The Badger-Faced Avril Lavigne, Nickelback and Snow, other horrific music acts Canada should be apologising for include; the Barenaked Ladies, Bryan Adams, the Crash Test Dummies, Alanis Morrisette, Drake and Celine Fucking Dion.

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