Thursday, March 14, 2013

Bringing Sexy Back – What we can learn from vintage snowmobile fashion

 
I was just reading the last magazine of the season from those part-timers at Whitelines and in it there was an article by Chris Moran about the current state of snowboarding fashion. At the end he asked; “If anyone has any ideas as to how to make snowboarding irresistibly sexy again, please write”. Well Chris, funnily enough, we have the answer…

And the answer is vintage snowmobile fashion. Feast your eyes on this amazing array of Ski-Doo accessories and in particular cop and eyeful of this fedora...
Snowboarding needs more yellow fedoras immediately. Also while we're at it, we also need furry yellow booties and Balaclavas that make us look like bananas
The most sinister set of high-wasted beige pants ever produced, the inspiration for Kill Bill and another look at those incredible boots.

The Ski-Doo fashion catalogue comes complete with creepy chat-up lines... 

"Oh yeah pretty lady, this is where the action is"

How you Ski-Dooin'?


An innocent enough picture of a lady dressed like a Scottish clown
...is made so much more smutty by the addition of this headline.


Head-to-toe corduroy on a giant women

She's Toxic
The bib is back, high waisted snow pants are in and the wet-look is going to blow your tiny little minds.

Eskimo ensemble bottom right, immediately.

Nick, left, wears the new Ski-Doo Sports Adventure wet-look suit with zip-off waist, MC Hammer action pants and a massive erection.

Talking about hammers, ever noticed how sexy they are? 
Get a hammer now and instantly become a magnet for badly dressed honeys.

Matching rainbow onesies. Hot

But, rather inconveniently there are no matching pants. Also One-Finger Mitts sound like a good idea.


Anywhere you need a snowmobile to get to is not a sensible place to locate a bus stop

I think I'll risk the danger and go it alone thanks guys.



While we're on sexism...



Strangely the porn mags were much more subdued back then.

But they sure love snowmobiling, because it was so damn sexy.


But that's enough of scantily-clad ladies reclining on snowmobiles. Going back to Chris' article he also had this to say - "There used to be a time when our sport was so attractive that people of every creed, sex and nationality eyed it up salaciously and felt an uncontrollable desire to mate with it."

The real lesson we need to learn to bring sexy back to snowboarding comes from this man...

The Sexiest Man That Ever Lived
He's got the clothes...

...he's got the moustache...

...he's got the ladies...

...he's got the chat-up lines...

 ...he's got the mesmerising stare...

...and he's got 3 new ways to 'doo it!

The mustachioed lothario has got it all, and you've got the uncontrollable desire to mate with him. Fact. 

Chris Moran - problem solved.

Before we go there is a final cautionary tale that we can also learn from snowmobiling's sexy years. Taken too far, there is a point when sexy just becomes a bit rapey. 

Most of these fashion gems come thanks to a classic slice of the Internet; one man’s quest to upload huge swathes of excellent information to an almost unusable website. The site is called ‘David’s Vintage Snowmobile Page’ and it can be found on the catchy domain www.vintagesnowmobiles.50megs.com.

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3 comments:

  1. A lot of them appear to be extras out of an old Star Trek episode.
    But, the pick of the bunch has to be the Skidoo dude, doing the perfect "Magnum" out of Zoolander…

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is probably the most insightful article into the future of snow fashion I've ever seen. Brilliant journalism.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pretty sure that's Phoebe from Friends on the Sno-Jet

    ReplyDelete

 
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