Thursday, August 15, 2013

Top 10 Brilliantly Useless Do-It-Yourself Snowboard Instructables

 
The other day we came across Instructables.com, a site for sharing do-it-yourself tips and projects, and we thought it would be interesting to see if there was anything useful we could find to improve snowboarding. We found nothing. What we did find was a million ways to create a snowboard display rack, some crappy tips on learning to snowboard and an incredible horde of bewilderingly useless inventions that should never have seen the light of day. Here's our top 10...

10. Rockhead Helmet
Trust me, the Flintstones look is going to dominate 2013/14? Here's how you get it done:
Step 1. 'The bigbox stores sell "stone" spray paint. A can costs between $6 and $12 usually. I like to mask off the edge of my basic snowboard helmet and paint it with this stuff.' 

Step 2. 'While I'm at it, I remove the lens and strap from my ski goggles and paint them to match my helmet.' 

Step 3. After that, just sit back and let the chicks come to you.

And it could be even better:
'One of these years I'm going to buy or make some foam "gravel" and glue some of that stuff on the helmet.' 


Let me save you the time of reading the instructions. Snowboard, two blocks of wood, put snowboard on blocks, bench.


8. Mohawk Helmets

Stop, Metal Hammertime!

If for some reason you can't get your rocks off while wearing the Rockhead Helmet, you are sure to sweep the ladies off their feet by making like a brush. 

If you're a lady why not try this one...

Oh


7. LED Snowboard by god.favored
Firstly, it's worth noting that this lad has the gall to name himself God Favoured.

Secondly, 'I absolutely love snowboarding, but I'm really not very good.  I can do a few tricks, but i live next to a ski resort in Utah and most of the people who i see go are crazy good.  So i needed something to "show off" a little, and since i cant do many tricks, i figured why not build something really cool.' 

Well that didn't work out. You've got two options God Favoured; either put some serious time into learning some tricks, or it's time learn to become slightly less of a narcissistic twat. 





Step 1: This is the fun part where you get to shovel 2 tons of snow.

Materials:
-Snow (and lots of it, helps when you get a record snowfall)
-Shovels (a small one and a big scooping shovel)
-Cold weather (-1 helps)
-Two friends to help you
-Wood (to help in the making process)
-Muscles
-Time (took me and my friends 2 whole days)
-Lights (for working at night)
-Ladder (to get on your roof)
-Common sense (since you'll be working mainly on top of your roof a you'll be skiing off a jump)

Step 2: Style the hell out of it.

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing again.
Worth doing, so that a smug fifty year-old man can take the time to throw out some casual insults at his perception of your family living situation:
"As I read this instructable, I imagined that you are probably the teenaged son of a single mother, because I can't imagine any father allowing this (considering he's the guy that has to fix it) and no grown man would do something like this to his own roof. How far off am I?"
About 40 years?


4. Make a takedown bow from skis!

This scarcely intense man recently built a concealable murder weapon from an old set of cross country skis.

And he's now running around Grinnell Iowa with his medieval killing device. Good luck to anyone who lives out there. 

4b. As an alternative, for the people who have already read the Blag article on this bow and are feeling just a little miffed by the inclusion of something they've seen already in this top 10 list - Creating a fiberglass snowmobile trailer

"Here is a snowmobile cutter I built over the last winter. It is a cat chasing a mouse chasing a chunk of cheese. The cheese is the hitch and the cat is the actual trailer. It is sized to carry a banana box and a bit more."
Completely window-lickingly mental, but mental with a quality and workmanship that can only be admired.


And with just a small helping shove Marty McFly unicycled his way back to 1955

On those cold snowy days when you cant think of anything to do, why not make fire snowballs! Of course, nobody should do this it is dangerous. That doesn't mean you cant enjoy my friend an I full of stupidity.

Its actually quite easy to make fire snowballs. All you need is a snowy day, gloves, gas, and an empty scull.

First you make snowballs.
Second you pour gas on them
Third you light them
Fourth you throw them

This is best done when really high or really drunk.


"Wallets,hats, bags and backpacks, cases and skins. These are all things that you can make from duct tape. I love them all but I wanted to make something new, something barely anyone if anyone has done before. So i came up with an idea. A duct tape coat, a insulated winter coat to be precise. And after days of work and 2 e-large rolls of duct tape i made it."

After finishing his hobo-chic coat Ostomesto was inevitably admitted to his local psychiatric hospital where he now spends his time drooling and rocking in the corner while sporting a delightful duct tape straightjacket he made himself.


1. Duck Tape Snow Goggles by McGyver2
Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael and the new addition - Remedial Pottery Class Dave. What an absolute leg end.


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