Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Snowboarding Erotica - Naked Snowboarding

It's the second instalment of Snowboarding Erotica and this time we take a skin deep look at - Naked Snowboarding...

Within weeks of the invention of snowboarding, naked snowboarding was invented...

The early pioneers of naked snowboarding didn't all quite succeed with the whole naked thing though. Here are some guys sporting what I guess must be called cock socks.

Look out for the range of Neff cock socks this winter.

Last week we looked at Snowsports Dictators including Benito Mussolini, a man who enjoyed a bit of shirtless skiing, but even he just didn't really put his back into it like some skiers used to...

Nude snowboarding has evolved over time and it is now a become a finely tuned art. 

Nice muff.

These photos are from a
calendar of naked snowboard/ski instructors from St Anton in Austria (one of my favourite resorts).

I'm not all that confident that this is a completely untouched photo.

And it's not just pictures of ladies, the calendar can ‘be flipped over depending on preference’ so you can get your fill of naked blokes if that's your bag.

This guy has a real drinking problem

According to a company spokesman, the idea for the calendar came when a drunken British ski-school member tried to persuade a group of ski and snowboard instructors to strip off. He said: "We often get men staring at the female instructors and many women seem to sign up just to flirt with their teachers, so we thought, why not give them what they want?"

It makes you glad to be British to know that the Austrians think of us as a nation of sex pests.

Snowboard teacher Kiki, 28, said she loved being a model. She said: "I never had any idea it would be so much fun."

This year the calendar has really porned up with sponsorship from Playboy. Classy. Here's a shot from the making of the 2010 calendar with two girls posing behind a giant Pringle.

There's some sort of innuendo joke for the taking here. It's just not coming to me though.

Speaking of getting wood here's Britain's own, pro-snowboarder Jono Wood, getting his kit off for the pages of Cosmo magazine.

Jono giving the smouldering British sex pest stare.

And he's not the only pro-snowboarder to get his kit off. Here's Nick Franke getting naked and having a  bash at a quarter pipe at the Air+Style comp.

As you can see from those examples the snowboarding industry loves a bit of naked. Gerhard (I imagine it is pronounced Grr Hard) Lucian, the geezer who started the Austrian ski/snowboard instructor calendar, has used a similar gimmick before to promote his hotel.

Imperium snowboards put literally two seconds of thought into the idea behind this advert.

Snowboard Revolution involved a topless model in their latest review of a Lib Tech board for no apparent reason. Snowboard Revolution seems to be pitching to be The Sun of the snowboarding website world.

I'm not sure whether this is a direct repost to that article but here's a lad showing off his banana.

At least he is wearing protection.
Why the creepy cartoon bears?

The final company to feature in the list of naked snowboarding industry types are those crazy kids from the Milton Keynes Xscape snowdome. Never shy to jump on a bandwagon this is marketing manager Sarah Porteus with instructor Christophe Malivert as they promote a naked gig they ran for charity.

You've got to feel sorry for Christophe.
He's gone out of his way to do something for charity and the person who organised this  humiliation in front of the national press then has a pop at the size of his cock. No one is going to look impressive snowboarding nude in a giant fridge.
Poor guy and what a waste of his 15 minutes of fame.
Either that, or she's laughing at his curtains haircut, and then she would be totally justified.

This is some guy call Mr Testicals who seems to be an all-round gifted sportsman and would probably be more famous if not for his uncanny resemblance to a scrotum and for his unfortunate name.

Apparently he works tirelessly promoting testicular cancer and boy he is doing well. He's having so much fun I think more people will want some.

This is a snowboarding invention that never made it to mass-production. These giant gloves are large enough to keep you warm without the need for expensive snowboarding clothing.

It does look a little bit Top Gun

Let's take a look at some more amateurs. Here's another guy who's a bit too fond of himself. If you are tempted to do this make sure you put the effort in. The grey office sock look just doesn't compliment any sort of naked posturing.

Maybe this is actually some nasty snowboard fetish thing. It seems that he is not alone. Here are two other guys inappropriately dry-humping their snowboards.

Here's a lad, presumably called 12, in the process of getting some nasty ice burn. 

And this last guy really sums up why you shouldn't snowboard naked. Underneath all the massive sparkly clothing most snowboarders are just pasty-skinned ginger wimps.

You have to admire how he has coordinated hits booties with his hair.

Anyway of you want to do naked properly we all know you should just get the Germans involved. This is how they get their sledge on at the Nacktrodeln Braunlage...

Jesus, I hope they are not planning a calendar.

If you can stomach more naked German sledge action click here for the video.

And if you are looking for desert check out the last Snowboarding Erotica article: Snowboarding Erotica - Is it possible?

I'm off to the depths of China so no article next week because there is no way in hell this site will be accessible from there.

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