Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Snowboard Porn Gear Guide (Probably NSFW)

 
Snowboard Porn – Yup, we’ve gone there.


It’s the time of year that the snowboarding magazines publish their annual guides to the season’s snowboard gear. That’s how the traditional media does it, but seeing as we work in the medium of the internet here’s a look at the snowboard trends you can expect this season, modelled by an array of snowboarding porn stars. Who knew that this porn niche existed?

Lucianna 163
Seems like a nice girl


Oh
Board: Rossignol RS 163 – That’s one a mahoosive snowboard 
Bindings: Nidecker  
Boots: Salomon 
This season’s trend: Looks we’ve gone through all the camber options over the last couple of seasons. This season will see the return of monster sized boards. Lucianna loves a big one.

Butch Cassidy and the Moonshine Kid
This season’s trend: This season is all about rocking stuffed Speedos with dangerously loose elastic.

Catmandoo
Board: Dynastar Definitive 155  
Gloves: Catmandoo, a brand that doesn’t exist according to Google.
Bindings: Head. The website for Head’s snowboard gear is the very porntastic www.ridehead.com.
This season’s trend: Asphyxiation.

Trisha Uphill Snowboarder
Board: Any idea who produced this Wizard of Oz inspired board?
This season’s trend: The quick-release pink one-piece suit, but when was that ever out of trend?

Posey Fielding
Board: Rossignol 155 
This season’s trend: Extreme posing


Ginger Nutz
Board: Salomon 
Boots: Burton 
This season’s trend: Winged bindings. Like Ms Nutz, Burton is bringing that style back this season with their Infidel bindings. Some riders prefer the set-up for jibbing, but we’re not so sure..
Check out how filthy Ginger’s bedroom is.  I wouldn’t touch her with someone else’s.

DC Electric
Board: DC 
Goggles: Electric 
Boots: DC 
This season’s trend: Blurred stickers, to avoid dangers of getting sued when products appear in inappropriate situations, like this article for example.


Smurfette
Bindings: Burton 
This season’s trend: Snowboard fenders - Great for protecting your snowboard when you are out urban jibbing.


Tat Von Dee
Board: Burton Feelgood 
Bindings: look like Burton too 
This season’s trend: Tattoos. They never go out of fashion. 

Penelope Pit Stop
Goggles: Oakley 
This season’s trend: Make sure all your snowboard gear colour matches. The effect is even better if everything is pink.

Alexandra Snowboard
This season’s trend: Step-in bindings and people adopting the surname ‘Snowboard’.

As we've already crossed the line we might as well go hardcore...

Marge Simpson & Flanders
A disturbing combination of the snowboarding porn niche with the cartoon porn niche.
Board: An orange one
This season’s trend: Hard boots.

2 Guys, 4 Helmets
He wears…
Board: Burton 
Jacket: Burton 
Goggles: Spy 
Helmet: Protec Ace 

And he wears…
Hoody: Burton 
Goggles: Smith 
Pants: Burton Ronin 
T-Shirt: Hurley 
This season’s trend: Mirrored helmets so you partner can watch themselves in action.

Cali Bearsall
Looks to me like they are at Big Bear California and they’ve taken the name way too literally.
Boards: Val Surf shop brand

This season’s trend: Taking the ski resort name literally. Watch out this season for exhibitionists appearing in theses resorts; Beaver CreekPowderhornLoveland and Titcomb. 



Related Articles
Why not continue the theme with a look at the world of naked snowboarding or swimsuit snowboarding.



2 comments:

  1. Tat von Dee has Ride bindings, dva I think. And that last one are grey burton missions from 07/08. /geek

    ReplyDelete

 
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