Thursday, February 17, 2011

Erotic Snowboard Art- What happens when people love snowboarding a little too much


Writing an article on the internet is a bit like writing a book on a typewriter that occasionally prints out a page of hardcore porn. While we research our weekly articles we unavoidably come across some pretty strange things on the edge of the snowboarding world and because we are committed internet journalists, when we spot a trend, no matter how weird or offensive it is, we feel it’s our job to share them with you. This week we look at a very strange snowboarding niche developed by some pretty disturbing minds – Erotic Snowboard Art.  Warning - towards the end it’s definitely NSFW and very probably not much good for your soul either...

Last week we did some serious research and analysis. This week it’s pictures.

First we'll take a look at the pictures that were done by decent artists before things really take a turn for the worse...
That's a 2004 Nitro Suprateam, if you're interested (via)

A strange combination of math and art, this was titled "Underboob + Sno bunny equals WIN"  (via
Continuing the underboob theme here's some de Vinchi inspired underboob action (via

Bit nippy out. (via
More nipple action. Not sure what's going on in the marshmallow legs though. (via
Thus guy takes underboobs and nipples to the max and then tops it off with a dog-faced hat. (via
A sketch by a bona fide Emmy winning illustrator. (via)
As promised, this is the point that thing's start to go downhill...
Giving an unwanted glimpse into the artist's mind, this was titled "Snowboardin' whore"
Now this really is an erotica niche - Snowboarding polar bear/girls. 
Under-dressed girl struggles to ride a spatula 
Japan. Odd place.
"It's like sex!" said the naked man wearing his goggles as a garter and a massive dreamcatcher hairpiece.
cliff dropping on a hockey stick
This painting is available for a cool $350, but judging by the snowboard gear no one has parted with their cash for close to 15 years.
Remember Snowboard Kids the Nintendo game? Looked a bit like this...

A bunch of 10 year old kids having a good time snowboarding.

You know, 10 year old kids like Linda Maltinie... 
And that's not the worst of it by a long shot. Turns out that quite a few of people have a really strange obsession with this game. This next picture features two characters called Nancy and Koyuki Tanaka. According to Wikipedia "Nancy is a corner and trick specialist, with the highest stats in each. She is 10 years old in this game. Though being excellent at turns and tricks, she is the slowest character of all."  But I sure as hell don't think this is what they meant when they described here as 'being excellent and turns and tricks.'
So many levels of wrong
Here's someone who found even managed to find something erotic in the game back when the characters looked like melon-nosed-trolls...
not erotic
And amazingly things manage to get even stranger...
Not a single bit of this makes sense to me. Thank god they at least put clothes on her this time.
That's enough desecration of the Snowboard Kids game. Let's finish off by desecrating some other childhood memories. 
The artist described this as "A sexy analogue of the Silver Surfer. Need I say more?"... Probably not mate, best stop talking right there.
and...there goes all my happy memories of ice lollies
And finally...
Mr/Miss December, thanks for fucking up Christmas

Related Articles...
If you want to continue to trawl through the seedy side of the snowboarding internet why not try our Porn Gear Guide.  
Or, if you want to continue this terrifying glimpse into the minds of internetkind, explore further and have a look at the art of Shaun White fans

1 comment:

  1. Cool art! I like that cliff dropping on a hockey stick...very nice.


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