Urban Dictionary & The Sordid World of Skiing

Last time out we took a look at what the Urban Dictionary could teach us about snowboarding. One the the main things we learned is that we should hate all skiers. This week we do our research into these nasty little skier fellas and see what they are all about...

Starting with the word ski.

This is going to be a tough one. You have to wade through 11 definitions of the word ski to get to anything about a winter sport. It's a word more commonly used to decribe snorting cocaine (first option), a suffix (5 entries), or a sexual act (4 entries) than it is as a winter sport. Even then they're hedging their bets...

You've never actually talked to a women have you?

Skiers can defy the very laws of gravity and as a result they inadvertently do loops around snowboarders while actually trying to hit them. They are also idiots who are poor at spelling. This is confusing, let's move on.

If you haven't heard of it, Habbo Hotel is a social media site for children...
...and mentals.

Skiers are gay, like Romanian oak flooring.

Shouted the lad WITH the random capitalisation Tourettes

Next we get a couple of incredibly specific definitions...

Apparently the whole tired skiers vs snowboarders thing has now progressed to the far more niche ultra-violence of snowmakers vs ski patrol Josh.

and Brent vs Bentis.

Without ever meeting either party, I strongly suspect Brent will win.

If by this point you have started to suspect, even through the mad rantings of the Urban Dictionary editorial team, that skiing is a winter sport similar to snowboarding, I'm afraid you are sadly mistaken. I can reveal that skiing is in fact a series of increasingly complicated and grubby sex acts. It turns out that skiing is essentially an extreme sport version of the the Kama Sutra. Get ready to learn some things you'll never be able to unlearn...

3 guys,1 cab

2 girls 2 guys, but only the men can join the club, how quaintly old fashioned

Twat

5 guys, 1 girl

5 guys, or 4 guys and 1 girl? I can't tell, but the way things are going it's probably not something that skiers are all that picky about.

3 condoms, 2 dicks

As my grandad used to say, "snuffling your own cum is really not something you should be boasting about, no matter where that cum happened to be deposited at the time."

Stretch your sack across their entire face?!?! Seriously whiteboy69, you need to get that seen to, you must have a nutsack like a deflated hot air balloon.

I'm no gay scientist here epic12, but I sense that the protestations of a guy that goes to bed (presumably naked to allow for easy access penis fondling) with two other men (at least one of which is also buck naked) who diligently stays in the bed throughout the full furious wanking session and yet claims he's not gay and didn't enjoy the experience the next morning, doth protest a bit too much.

This mystery man

Once you've read that why not have a browse of the official Mt Baldy resort site skibaldy.com. It really brings a whole sinister new meaning to the otherwise seemingly innocent family friendly resort.

And that's the end of this article. Bejabbers.

So there's everything you ever didn't need to know about skiing. I don't know about you, but I feel like I've learned a lot. Skiing is essentially a series of increasingly depraved sex acts between assorted gangs of girls and guys and I'll be sure to give them a wide berth in the future. Happy nighmares.