Friday, January 18, 2013

Snowboarding’s 10 Worst Crowd Funding Ideas

If you've come up with a cunning plan to create the greatest snowboard company ever seen, the first thing you'll need is money. Traditionally your options were limited to breaking open your piggy bank, borrowing money from your friends or family, prostrating yourself in front of your bank manager, taking up some sort of  criminal endeavour, or being publicly humiliated on Dragon's Den/Shark Tank. Nowadays though there's a new option for any poor-orphaned-friendless-pround-honest-shy people out there: crowd funding. 

Take your brilliant idea, stick it on a site like Kickstarter or Indiegogo, and sit back while billions of potential investors throw cash at you. So far 43 snowboarding ideas have gone through this approach and here's our 10 favourite doomed attempts...

10. Backcountry 

The gravelly-voiced Adam Thompson, who apparently lives in an elevator, was looking for $23,500 to fund the production of this completely unfathomable board game.
He brought in just $76 of funding, which on the upside was $1 more than...

9. BUMZ 
Graeme Park, self-styled 'Visionary and Producer', and designer of BUMZ snowboard pants, was looking for $6,000 to move his idea to production.
Novelty ski hats for your crotch
He was largely ignored.

8. The Great Sticker Company
Kassidy Kase of Batesville Indiana was looking for a paltry $150 to set up their 'skate/snowboard/surf sticker shop'...
"I am looking for a small amount of money to help get my skateboard/snowboard/surf sticker selling business started. Once I get enough money I am wanting to eventually begin making my own stickers and selling them. I am also wanting to add more items of stock to my business such as selling t-shirts, hats, etc. Any amount of money will help and be greatly appreciated."

Despite being the least ambitious project to ever hit Kickstarter, Kassidy garnered zero dollars of backing.

7. Skateboard. SAFE, FUN, EASY TO LEARN. Krainkn Snowboard too.
Kevin Rains was looking for a $15,000 investment to produce his pointless skateboarding invention and snowboarding afterthought. To really get the most out of this video it's worth noting that in the UK 'cranking' is a term that means to cry and wank at the same time. 
He didn't reach his funding goals because the product was absolute crank.

6. AMPLITUDE. Sauces, Seasonings and Jerky!
The mysterious chefs behind AMPLITUDE were looking for $5,000 to help them bring their range of snowboarding inspired sauces; JIB SAUCE and NollieQ, to the public.
No explanation was given as to how or why snowboarding has inspired it's first ever sauce. Equally there was no guidance on what a snowboard sauce would taste like. They did however promise a nice sideline range of apparel and a beer cosy.
They were pledged just $601 dollars, but despite the set-back they are apparently still forging on with the idea and have an active Twitter account

34 year-old Lenny Zaytsev and his trusty copy of Microsoft Paint was looking for $1,000 of funding to take over the world with his new snowboard apparel brand.
People gave SWURV the swerve in their droves and the brand missed it's $1,000 goal by $1,000.

Libby Redepenning wants you to give her $650 so she can go to Tailgate Alaska and have a good time. In return for you contribution she will "email you the photos and video we get from the trip". For anyone who contributes a hefty $300 you'll also receive "a pair of 7.5 snowboard boots", but there's no detail on what sort of boots they are or whether they are new or second-hand.
If you are a lady wanting to buy a mystery pair of boots for $300 then this is your opportunity. There's 59 more days to go and no one's beaten you to them yet. 

3. Edge Risers 
Eriks Strals and his dad are looking for $6,000 to launch "a new type of binding accessory" that's been introduced many, many times before over many, many years by many, many people with no success. Still maybe this time...
There project is still open for pledges (although to tell you a secret, they won't make it) until January the 28th and in an exciting update to the project they are planning yet more inventiveness in the future:
"Keep in mind that once this kickstarter finishes I will hopefully be getting together another kickstarter for making some awesome new Edge Risers with LED's in them so you can light up on the hill and looks really awesome! How cool would it be to glow red while going down the hill at night?"

2. LED Color Changing Snowboard
Anticipating Eriks' question, magicologists Nason, Max & Mike were looking for $48,500 to make their LED stickers and filing-cabinet sized electronics box a reality.
Unfortunately they did not achieve their funding goals, proving once and for all that snowboards don't have a secret desire to be Rainbow Brite.

1. Snow Bunnies Restaurant
Mike Nelson and his mate Brian were looking for an almighty $250,000 to set-up their breastaurant. To encourage people to hand over A QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS! they produced this video:
They generated 0.4% of the funding they were looking for, which means that despite all evidence some mug still thought this idea was worth $1,000.

The Happy Ending.
Thankfully for the future of snowboarding not everyone produced such epically bad ideas. 6 people have been successful so far (4 of 25 on Kickstarter and 2 of 28 on Indiegogo) and of those this is our favourite one.

SOLOSHOT - Go Film Yourself... Automatically
Last year these guys were looking for £50,000 and they were handed $73,374 for this nifty device.
And they are now open for business if you fancy one for yourself.

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BUMZ was an idea from a guy based in the UK who continues a the proud tinkering history of a nation. Here's our article on the strange history of British snowboarding inventions.


  1. Oh that infamous shot ski....

  2. haha I got number 4! Yes mystery boots you have no fucking clue what you are in for...I'll make sure they are extra smelly for you!


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