Tuesday, July 29, 2014

The 5 Best Moments in the Incredible 1985 Swingbo Promo Video

The Swingbo was a classic a-bit-like-a-snowboard-but-not-as-good-as-a-snowboard invention that flared up in Germany in the early 80s before dying a quick and merciful death. Like all modern inventions it was launched with a marketing burst and a promo video, and someone has been nice enough to post it on the YouTube. Here's what we found....

5. It stars a guy called...

Best name in the business

Fuzzy Garhammer, jobtitle: "Freestyle Ski-Pope", was one of the founders of freestyle skiing. No, not that sort of freestyle skiing, this sort of freestyle skiing...

"Fuzzy Garhammer appears on the scene wearing a Neapolitan straw hat." What an absolute leg end.

Here he is again on the left with that incredible hat and presumably his life partner.

4. This crash...

Watch in amazement as the second guy's Swingbo instantly turns into a suppository.

3. Ironically I found this video on Cross Board's Twitter

If you're trying to promote your new two-planks-attached-to-a-board-on-snow design, it's best not to parody yourself by alerting everyone to the fact that the concept has failed miserably at least once before.

But now they've brought it to our attention, here's a look at the Swingbo and their attempts at marketing...

"The new way: Swingbo" - Do you swing both ways?

"A marvellous enlargement of winter sports pleasure - a tingling challenge!" The most innuendo-filled line of marketing spiel ever: 

Followed by the most defeatist bit of past-tense marketing ever; "A new winter sport who caused enthusiasm!" 

2. This epic slow-motion three-man synchronised winding-down-the-windows shot...

It's mesmeric.

1. These amazing suits...

Just look at those jaunty SKI banana henchmen wriggle! 

Swingbo didn't just try to reinvent the snowboard, they also had a stab at reinventing fashion and the results were far more spectacular than the Swingbo itself...

The Bertie Basset look

The cast of Cats

In hindsight it's no surprise that the naked crotch style never took off.

But the pièce de résistance, even beating the lady with nothing covering her modesty other than a pair of pink leg-warmers, is the full eye-wateringly colourful line-up of neon outfits...

Swingbo - The most colourfully awesome thing ever to almost happen to snowboarding

Anyway, if you fancy watching eight and a half minutes of shitty almost-boarding to the sound of pan pipes, then you can experience the whole thing here. Spoiler: I've just shown you all the best bits.

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Some of these pictures were sourced from an article on Wackyboards, which also features the Deuce Snowboard, a complete copy of the Swingbo that has also now failed, and a new product straight from the Gillette school of product invention, that has an added a third ski.

Reinventing the Snowboard, Take 47,564 - The Cross Board

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