It's the second instalment of Snowboarding Erotica and this time we take a skin deep look at - Naked Snowboarding...

The ski vs snowboarder debate is as old as snowboarding itself and it is also very, very played out. Despite this week we have decided to exhume its decaying corpse for one last shot at the limelight, because we’ve found a new angle – Snowsports Dictators. They’re mostly skiers and they’re mostly evil, and you don’t get that as part of the snowboarding package

Illicit’s Guide to the Top 10 Snowsports Dictators…

Matt Cheney – The world’s most prolific self publicising artist you’ve never heard of.

Our previously featured Art Attack artists went about their art business the old fashioned way, by painting scenes of snowboarding from the comfort of their own home or studio. Matt Cheney does it differently. He takes his art into the hostile environment of the real world because he is an ‘action artist’.

What the hell is an action artist?

Last week we had a carefully thought-out and thoroughly researched article. This week we look at snowboarding cats.

Last week you might have thought we covered everything worth knowing about snowboarding in Hawaii. Well it turns out that there is another interesting story about snowboarding in Hawaii and for this we have to look back in time at the origins of snowboarding.

I’ve snowboarded in many places around the world over the years, so I figured that I would put my knowledge use and write a handy resort guide. Here it is:

All resorts are pretty much the same. You get similar stodgy food, they are all similarly mountainous and the force of gravity appears to be a constant. The single thing that has a real effect how different the experience will be is how good the snow is when you are there.

So that’s it, if you get lucky and get good snow you’ll have good time no matter where you are, bosh.

There are however some places that really aren’t snowboarding resorts, they are either too small, too remote, too warm or too embroiled in warfare to really make them a popular destination. Despite their limitations they are worth knowing about, because if you ever happen to be in the area, then they would definitely be worth a try just for the blag. So for the first article of our new series Last Resort we look at snowboarding in Hawaii...

Over the last 20ish years a whole new genre of sports came into existence: X-Treme!™ Sports®©. A wide variety of sports sharing a similar ethos such as snowboarding, mountain biking and base-jumping, have all flourished under the spiritual leadership of the almighty Red Bull empire. I have been a fully paid up member of the extreme sport phenomena, but suddenly I have come to the terrifying realisation that all these sports are actually a bit soft. They’re not soft in comparison with say, lawn bowls or ice dancing, but they are if you take a look back in history.

Not convinced? Have you also been fooled by the great ESPN/X-Games marketing cover-up? You want proof?

Question: What do the following all have in common?

• Jar Jar Binks & Star Wars
• Vomit & Jimi Hendrix
• Gorge Bush & Justifiable Warfare
• Butch Brady and Eric Sweet & snowboarding

Answer: They all managed to ruin something that used to be cool.

Over the years as snowboarding has become more mainstream it has lost its edginess. These guys came to late to be held fully responsible for this loss, but what they have managed to do is to shamelessly batter the definitive and final nails into the coffin. Watching these guys going to work on snowboarding is like watching your dad, who at one time was the coolest man in your universe, dance at a wedding. There is no sadder sight known to man.

So this article is not just about multiple snowboards it’s also about; Butch & Sweet - the most evil men in snowbusiness.

Accidental Hero No. 2 – Kyle Suske

If last week’s exposé on the world of snowboarding birthday cakes was just a bit too lightweight for you this week should be right up your street. This week we look at the most heinous of all snow obstacles – Moguls of Death!

The Accidental Hero column is dedicated to snowboarders who brought something to snowboarding but for whatever reason did not become a household name. In this edition we take and Kyle Suske, snowboarding’s mogul martyr...

Because I have been using my time laying around on beaches and continuing to recover from last season’s injury it’s a short one this week. It may be short but I’m expecting it to be popular, if the sheer number of photos of these on the Internet is anything to go by pretty much everyone apart from me looks forward to having a snowboarding cake on their birthday...