Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Top 15 Edible Snowboards


It's been a year since this website started so in the tradition of the Internet we will celebrate with a birthday theme. This time we bring you the second of our hard-hitting articles, exposing the underground world of snowboarding cakes with illicit's guide to the Top 15 Edible Snowboards.

No. 15 - Nuclear Cakeboard
Coming in at number 15 and therefore officially the World's worst edible snowboard is this one. The guy who received this seems pretty disappointed with the whole affair on his site: My groom's cake. It's supposed to be a snowboard. I'm not sure what's in the middle. Obviously, the floral border around the bottom does not help with edge control.

Accessories: -20. The guy didn't know what it was in the middle of the board but quite clearly is is nuclear Armageddon.

Tastylookingness: -15. Radiation sickness and fine dining don't mix.

Ridability: -20. Completely the wrong shape with, like the man says, no means of edge control.

Total: -45. It's not worth the very real danger of impotency to either ride or eat this snowboard.

No. 14 - Happy Feet Cakeboard
The little girl looks happy but how does her snowboard cake stack up?

Accessories: 10. I think there is a tiny pair of boots there but more importantly it looks like you get a whole table set for free.

Tastylookingness: 0. I'm not eating anything that has been that close to anyone's feet.

Ridability: -25. A square ended block of a board spells crash trouble.

Total: -15. A badly designed board with real hygiene issues.

No. 13 - Lava Cakeboard
The ideal cake for the person who likes both snowboarding and volcanoes.

Accessories: 10. A very large and not all that edible pair of bindings and a lovely display plate which I can only assume is a ceiling molding.

Tastylookingness: -10. It looks about as tasty as hot rock could be.

Ridability: -15. Its the size and shape of a snowskate but I can only assume that the orange is a layer of lava and molten rock on your board is a real problem.

Total: -15. It reminds me of a painting by one of illicit's favourite painters Ron M

No. 12 - Muff Cakeboard

Accessories: 5. It comes with bright yellow boots/socks but no bindings.

Tastylookingness: 20. These muffins look lovely.

Ridability: -20. The board is clearly far too small for the boots. Toe and heal drag will make this totally ridable. Lack of bindings and ridiculous tips will add to the misery.

Total: 5. Like the little muffins approach but a string of fundamental design flaws ruin this.

No. 11 - Groom For More Cakeboard
Another groom's cake. According to Wikipedia groom's cake is a wedding tradition typically associated with the American South. While a wedding cake may often be decorated in white and light in texture and/or color, the groom's cake can take a variety of forms, many incorporating chocolate or fruit. The decoration of the cake may reflect the favorite hobby or interest of a groom
The first page of a Google Image search shows that men's most popular interests include:
  • climbing up waterfalls
  • strawberries
  • beer
  • baseball
  • beer
  • beer
  • strawberries
  • X-box
  • strawberries
  • gambling
  • war
Boy, do we like strawberries.

Accessories: 20. Comes with delicious boots and bindings.

Tastylookingness: 5. Unfortunately boots and bindings just don't look tasty and I think they are serving it up on a carpet?

Ridability: -20. Like the previous groom's cake the stubbiness of the board will cause real difficulties.

Total: 5. They should have made strawberry cake.

No. 10 - RoboCakeboard

Accessories: 15. Matching boots and bindings for your robot.

Tastylookingness: 5. I might have a nibble at the liquorice bootlaces but I'll give the rest a wide berth.

Ridability: -5. A snowboard with a real scale problem. Using the snowflakes as reference this is a 4 cm long board.

Total: 15. This board creeps into the top ten only by the great detail of the matching gear.

No. 9 - Daper Cakeboard
This is an odd one. They have married together a snowboard and a tuxedo. I can't fathom why that would be relevant to anyone.

Accessories: 20. Comes with its own tux, all snowboards should have one.

Tastylookingness: 10. It looks so strangely intriguing I want a bite.

Ridability: -15. It's got a good shape to it but being made from cloth it is a fundamentally flawed concept.

Total: 15. At times a good production but serious concept and materials weaknesses.

No. 8 - Camo Cakeboard

Accessories: 5. Comes with nothing but a bad ass camo design.

Tastylookingness: 10. I think the green bits will taste good but the salmon coloured bits will clearly be horrible.

Ridability: 10. Edge control is going to be a real problem with the lack of a parabolic sidecut however as the cake is now five years old it should now have the consistency of wood.

Total: 25. There are a lot of things wrong with this but a good use of the ever-reliable camo design saves it.

No. 7 - Hot Cakeboard

Accessories: 20. Comes with a huge pile of cocaine.

Tastylookingness: -10. It’s the colours of bruising.

Ridability: 15. It's a good freeride board shape and only a lack if raised tips a concern.

Total: 25. It’s a good representation of a snowboard in the medium of cake. 

No. 6 - Beach Cakeboard

Accessories: 10. A set of boots with what appear to be step-in bindings? You don't see edible step-ins often these days.

Tastylookingness: 15. The snowboard may look like it has been designed by a deckchair company but it doesn't look too bad. I'm expecting it to taste minty like toothpaste.

Ridability: 5. Another example of a scale issue. Judging by the size of the snow flakes this snowboard is 2cm long. This scale problem along with the poor shape and the lack of any camber would make riding this inadvisable.

Total: 30. Nice minty chair concept but scale is its Achilles heal.

No. 5 - Burton Cakeboard
Accessories: 10. Comes with badly placed stomp pads celebrating Burton and Civil War generals.

Tastylookingness: 10. I can't decide whether it looks sugary or whether it is from the set of Alien so a middle of the road score here.

Ridability: 10. Far too stumpy a board to be ridable. Burton have really not designed a good edible snowboard here which is a surprise from a snowboard manufacturer with such a pedigree. 

Total: 30. This is a good looking if impractical edible snowboard and you wouldn't be disappointed to get one.

No. 4 - Butterfly Cakeboard

Accessories: 5. Old school rope bindings are workable if not efficient. Also one of the few edible boards to come with as sticker pack.

Tastylookingness: 15. It may not look much like a snowboard but that means it looks more like a cake. I think you'd get a good honest Victoria Sponge under there.

Ridability: 15. This is a huge edible snowboard, and it looks almost to scale. Poor bindings are however a significant disadvantage when riding a cakeboard.

Total: 35. Its may not be pretty but a combination of ridability and tastiness has done this one proud.

No. 3 - Lion Cakeboard

Accessories: 0. They’re giving nothing away here.

Tastylookingness: 25. It has to be tasty looking at the very impressive production values of the icing.

Ridability: 15. I think it is possible but you are going to have to really jump round the corners due to the lack of side cut.

Total: 40. Quite simply the best looking edible snowboard out there.

No. 2 - Dream Cakeboard

Accessories: 10. It’s covered with dragon flies and love.

Tastylookingness: 20. This is one of the few truly tasty looking cakeboards.

Ridability: 10.Very difficult to tell but I expect about a medium standard of edible snowboard performance from this one. This is definitely a woman’s specific cakeboard.

Total: 40. A well executed edible snowboard, the one major concern is should a 25 year old woman really be getting a birthday cake like this?

No. 1 - Brokeback Cakeboard
And here is the world’s best edible snowboard.

Accessories: 20. It comes with bindings, boots and a set of goggles. Unfortunately the boots are designed for someone 8 times larger than the person who can use the bindings.

Tastylookingness: 5. The board looks like a board and probably doesn't taste much better than one.

Ridability: 25. If you cast aside the unworkable accessories the board itself doesn’t look to bad. Just for a second I though Nike were bringing out a range of snowboards.

Total: 50. Probably the closet things to a ridable, edible snowboard out there.

If you are Terry 21 please write in and tell us what this was like to ride.

Related Articles...
If you really love cake and you really love snowboarding why not try out our Top 10 Snowboarding Cakes article. 
Next week's article will be a little bit more contentastic; the Snowboarding History Timeline and the fancy new look, took it out of us this week :)

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