Saturday, August 29, 2009

Snowboarding Cats + Bonus Snowboarding Celebrity

 
Last week we had a carefully thought-out and thoroughly researched article. This week we look at snowboarding cats.


A lot of you might hope this will be an informative article on cat snowboarding - the affordable version of heli boarding.
For anybody that falls in this group here’s a quick review of one company...
What were they thinking with this name? What were the other names they worked through to get to this? Arse Trips, Butt Holidays, Anus Rides?
The inappropriate name makes the site a bit more interesting to read though. Here are a few quotes:
A highly experienced lead guide and a tail guide (the tail gunner) escort each group”
“rides are warm, relaxed and very sociable. They give guests an opportunity to converse with their companions, rest for the next run or to adjust their gear.”
“lodges will typically house guests in double occupancy bedrooms and include excellent cuisine, a games room, a well stocked bar, hot tubs or saunas and massage facilities.”
They even sell their own boards

You can have your very own men's 161 all mountain board called the GOODWOOD”

Anyway they cater for “group adventures” and have some pretty impressive “packages” so if that’s your thing give them a shout.

But that’s not what we’re here for. We are here to look at little fluffy animals.
Burton have launched their 09/10 season boards and this year they are courting controversy media exposure with a new scheme. Last season they kicked up a fuss by putting puppies on a board and this season it’s cats.


They have just released their ultra whack Private Stock Collection, available in only 100 shops, retailing at $400 a pop with a Fritz the Cat graphic. I’m not sure who these boards are aimed at but I can only assume that they are people who are well outside the standard snowboarding demographic. Fritz the Cat was last seen in an X-rated cartoon in 1972. 1972, that’s about 156 years ago in snowboarding years. I’m guessing a US X-Rating is something you can watch when you are 18, so that would make most of the potential audience a minimum of 55 years old. Not sure this is one of their better ideas

Burton have taken the cat route at least once before on the Un-Inc boards of the 03/04 season and you could get the cutsie t-shirt too.
If you plan on taking a ride with Backside Tours this is the ideal outfit.

And it looks like other people want to help Burton produce a whole army of kitten boards. Here’s a classic case of mild Internet/cat-lover hysteria, chocked full of lol’s, exclamation marks and an attack on your visual senses.

The World's First Cat Snowboarder Goma!!

"Ya, I know I know...This is just too much for some people...it is totally over the top! lol! well I have a reason for this graphic! last night at the shoot, I decided to put Goma on the snowboard and pretended like he was snowboarding!! and we said oh he is the worlds first cat snowboarder! lol. I thought that was just too funny and I had this picture of Goma riding my board in my head...how cute and funny that would be!! Seriously! I think this will make a great Burton AD! right Cris? sorry for the crappy Photoshop job!!"


Mad as a box of Schrodinger's cats

Personally I am not convinced that Goma is actually snowboarding at all. I believe that photograph is doctored. Cats do of course snowboard and here is the photographic evidence to prove it...
See this one knows all the hip new snowboarding hand signals.




This must be an old photograph because he's using step-in bindings.
Still it's evidence.


This blind cat is an awesome snowboarder and not only that, he is rocket-boarding!
That's better than cat snowboarding, confusingly.

But this one is just a bit more weird. Is it woman or a cat?
If she wins any competitions she will definitely need to be
gender tested

Despite the reality that cats snowboard, some people still feel the need to fake the evidence.
Here's a picture from LOLCATS which is clearly a fake. They haven't even tried...

Now that we have seen the first picture we know that this is a fake...

And clearly this cat would be a skier anyway...




Let's take a look at the legitimate art of snowboarding cats.
There is a whole series available to buy on the website. No prices quoted, but I’d imagine something of this quality is going to cost ya.
A haunting study of a cat plummeting to his death down a ravine.
Still I recon that gives him eight more chances to make the jump.

This one is ace and I just wish there were more snowboarding paintings on the site so that we could do an Art Attack feature on this. The site is full of exclamation marks and unnecessary “speech marks” and the paintings are described as being “painstakenly executed in Acrylic paint”. He definitely executes art on a regular basis.
“The "Kool-Kat" painting series, represents the culmination of Don's artistic experience and development. A true "cat-lover" all of his life, these whimsical, light-hearted and nostalgic paintings depict the fantasy of a simpler world where KATS are KOOL!”
Go USA!

All this cat news brings us seamlessly onto our bonus section
Snowboarding Celebrity No. 8 – Hello Kitty

I’m out in Asia at the moment and Hello Kitty is like a plague out here. The blank-faced Japanese cat has invaded almost every conceivable walk of life and snowboarding is officially on the list.

It’s not clear how good at snowboarding Hello Kitty from my searches of the Interweb because I can only find pictures of her snowboarding.


She must be pretty good though, because she already has a pro-board deal. In fact she has the whole sponsorship package wrapped up. I’d recommend purchasing this as a job lot if you fancy taking up the sport.
Clearly Kitty is a strange cat because as well as finding time for snowboarding she also puts her name to quite a lot of assorted products such as
Italian supercars...

Russian assult rifes...

and Goth forehead tattoos...
And, if for some reason, you want to read more about Hello Kitty’s strangest products Kitty Hell is the website for you.
Hello Kitty has been around since 1974 which probably means you can expect Burton to use her as a graphic theme in the 11/12 season.

That’s all for this week. If your thirst for snowboarding knowledge is not yet sated why not try another of our related articles such as...

or

2 comments:

  1. you're an idiot "This blind cat is an awesome snowboarder and not only that, he is rocket-boarding!
    That's better than cat snowboarding, confusingly."

    he isn't blind you derp he is a cartoon super hero from like the 80's

    ReplyDelete

 
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