"Hey ladies, as you can tell from this nocturnal bird on my shoulder, I'm a hooters man."
Although they do occasionally use creepy groin-thrusting young men to mix things up.
You can ratchet up the creepy factor by tooling your old beardy bloke up with a shotgun.
Fancy a glass of old man spit?
The Jolly Creepy Green Giant
This stuff was 50% proof. I don't read Austrian, but from the picture it seems to be some sort of potion to turn everyone into old creepy beardy men.
If you don't have a painting of a sinister old man to decorate your booze the other alternative is to package it in a giant cartoon sperm.
And if you want something to go with your spunk drink, why not try a large chocolate...
Or maybe some...
I bought some of these....they were cream-filled :|
Snowbombing does't quite look like what I was expecting
One of the biggest ski resort music festivals, Snowbombing is based in Mayrhofen. Here's what you can look forward to this year...
That's one impressive white leather cock flap
I spotted that poster outside one bar and a little way down the street was this...
The Freddy Pfister Band.
And if that didn't already look like the sort of van you should never hitch a ride in, here's what was on the back...
Pfister goes full Shawshank.
The hits don't stop there. In one shop I found a whole stash of CDs from the local noise makers.
Schürzenjäger (which means heartbreaker) and their magnificent hair and team tank tops
The squinty-eyed Ursprung Baum
The Zillertaler Mander and their unmissable album Milk Machining with Folk Music
Local lads Die Mayrhofner and their classic ode to Mother Teresa.
Here's Die Mayrhofner and his well groomed moustache getting sinister with some kids
And finally Die Mayrhofner again, this time with a seriously questionable cartoon representation of a black man
Still, maybe it's just a one off and usually that sort of thing isn't acceptable in Mayrhofen.
I found those bathing fellas in one of the local souvenir/toy shops. It's clearly very wrong, but strangely it wasn't at all that out of place. In a store filled with small children, and in amongst the Star Wars and Lego were a host of really dubious things...
...like this masturbating bull for example.
Dicks with faces in tuxedos
Pig sex condiment holders, penis salt shakers and tit mugs
a cock girth measuring device
An apron to make you look like you are fucking a sheep
& bottle openers that nightmares are made of
A few other things we found
On the way to Mayrhofen we found Camping Hell
In town, for a hefty €435 you could buy a crystal unicorn
"Hi Gran, I found this photo of some snowboarders wearing cock socks and I thought of you. Wish you were here."
We sent this one off to Vladimir Putin
There was a shop that exclusively sold baby clothes, knitting wool and cigarettes.
Counter cat owned the place
This guy's neck
The guy snowboarding around the place with a chainsaw. I think Nitro was his Running Man name.
You Might Also Like...
A Fete Worse Than Death - Illicit Goes Undercover At The Fulham Ski Fete
The Burton European Open 2013 - All the really important bits