Monday, February 4, 2013

The Übermap of Dirty Ski Resort Names

This week, for a rare change of focus we've headed off to the Burton European Open in Laax, courtesy of Nokia, to attempt some live event reporting. So far things haven't got off to a great start, the first two days of qualification have had to be cancelled due to high winds and a dumping of fresh snow. The only thing happening on the course today was me cutting some fresh tracks right down the middle of it.

So in a change to our anticipated schedule of dry event reporting and tedious interviews, we've decided to pay homage to the other great feature of the BEO...the fact that it all takes place on a mountain called Crap.
There's a whole hour of winterwanderwegging Crap to the right.

And this great feature of Laax, along with a lethal combination of puerile minds with too much spare time, inevitably started us thinking of other dubiously named mountains, resorts and ski trails like the gloriously seedy...

So, in what must be the best piece of event reporting from the BEO you're going to get, we brought all the names into one convenient format, and are proud to bring you - The Übermap of Dirty Ski Resort Names...

Click on the picture if you want to expand the map and feel free to share it around.

Just clearing up some possible confusion for our UK audience: I had to squeeze the fanny references into the arse section because I had a surfeit vagina references, so that's worked out nicely for our American audience.

All of these names are genuinely used by the ski resorts and can be found on their respective resort maps. Here's the names and where they come from if you fancy riding them or slipping down them or whatever floats your boat.

Beaver Creek - (USA)
Big Horn Mountain - (USA)
Blue Knob - (USA)
Crap - Laax (Switzerland)
Nub’s Nob - (USA)
Pine Knob - (USA)
Powderhorn - (USA)
Titcomb Mountain - (USA)  

The Big Woody - Sunshine Village (Canada)
Cleavage - Sunshine Village (Canada)
Climax - Park City (USA)
Cougar Milk - Whistler Blackcomb (Canada)
The Curtains - Mount Hood Meadows (USA)
Devil’s Crotch - Breckenridge (USA)
Devil’s Fiddle - Killington (USA)
Fagina - Plas de la Casa (Andorra)
Fanny Hill - Roundtop (USA)
Fanny’s Finish - Mt Buller (Australia)
Glory Hole - There's one of these in Whitefish & Park City & Alta (USA)
Goatsucker Glade - Sunshine Village (Canada)
Gobbler’s Knob - Ragged Mountain (USA)
Good Finger - Discovery Ski Area (USA)
Hairbag Alley - Vail (USA)
Jersey Cream - Whistler Blackcomb (Canada)
Johnson’s Warm Up - Alta (USA)
King Richard's Willy Nilly (or King Dick's Willy Nilly) - Peek ‘n Peak (USA)
Mary’s Nipple - Grand Targhee (USA)
Nasty Gash - Grand Targhee (USA)
Organgrinder – Sugarbush (USA)
Spanky’s Ladder - Whistler Blackcomb (Canada)
Stimulation - Alta (USA)
Throbulator - Burke (USA)
Tillicum (till-i-cum) - Mount Hood Meadows (USA)
Willie Wynkin Woodlands - Peek ‘n Peak (USA)

Beaver Run Base Area - Breckenridge (USA)
Big Air Fukuoka - indoor slope (Japan)
Cockaigne (for sale) - (USA)
Whakapapa (pronounced fakapapa) - (New Zealand)

Weirdly Laax isn't alone in its obsession with crap, the alpine folks in general can't get enough of it...

Thanks to the fine folks at Nokia for funding our trip to Crap and allowing us to bring this level of highbrow journalism to the Burton European Open.

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