Sunday, December 28, 2008

While thinking about how to increase the readership we realised that we just had to embrace porn because it is after all the foundation of the Internet, and in our hour of need the people of Smugglers Notch have come to our aid.

Smugglers Notch sounds like smutty innuendo but rather disappointingly it is a small town in Vermont who are decidedly anti-porn. At least they are in snowboarding way.

The big news in snowboarding at the moment is that Burton has caused some controversy by plastering scantily clad ladies across one of their snowboard ranges this season. This has riled up the US conservative community, who having lost the presidential elections, are spoiling for something to complain about. It has annoyed literally some Americans to the stage where they are leaving their trailers, actually writing things and have been seen walking, in street protests.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Snowboarding Celebrities No. 2 - Santa

Christmas is here children. It's on this special day that Santa comes comes down your chimney and empties his sack. But have you ever wondered what Santa does with his time the other 364 days of the year?
I had never considered this quandary before but once I asked it the evidence was clear and overwhelming. The answer is - extreme sports. In fact I'd go as far as to say he is some sort of extreme sports god who has mastered the whole array of sports.
I know it will be hard for you take in the news that this big fat pie-eating brandy-soaked old man is a better snowboarder than you, and you might be a bit unsure about this whole extreme sport god thing, so I guess you cynics out there want proof.
Well here's the truth, lets see if you can handle it...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Sunday the 21st is World Snowboard Day

I always thought World Days were used to stop things we didn’t want like AIDs, child labour and Vegans, so I was a little bit worried to discover that there is a World Snowboarding Day.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

For those of you about to hit Europe for a chalet holiday there is one thing you will always find in abundance - free and always surprisingly heinous wine. For years this evil beverage has served no purpose other than dyeing clothes and starting fights. However if you embrace this game's simple rules you will find yourself unlocking the door to a better chalet experience and a better life.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

We like snowboarding and we like Top Gear. It’s time for a quick interwebtastic mash-up as we introduce...

The Top Gnar guide to snowboarding cars
(Guaranteed to not include jokes about lorry driver murderers)

*Gnar is a shortened version of gnarly and it is therefore the abbreviated version of a shit bit of slang. I have only used it here because of the traditional requirement of a weak pun in the title.

Let's have a look at how we have cleverly pigeonholed the different ways you can mix snowboarding with cars.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Way back when, in days of snowboarding yore, there was an epic and bitter conflict between the great cultures of snowboarding and skiing. It was a time when it was clear to us snowboarders who our enemies were and a long and hard fought battle ensued. However, over time this clear-cut hatred became blurred. The barriers slowly fell one by one until we found that we had nothing much left to fight about and today we find ourselves standing shoulder to shoulder with our old enemies. Snowboarding ended up giving twin-tips, carving skis and baggie trousers to skiing and in return skiing gave us improved technical outerwear and resort-built snowparks.

That war may be over, but don't be fooled, because today a series of minor skirmishes still continue. Gone, is the clearly demarked enemy of old, and in their place we find a new and common enemy. Our modern enemy is fanatical, determined and resourceful. They are not a single force but a loose association of people with similar beliefs. They are hard to spot and often live amongst us without us knowing. But, if you are vigilant, there are subtle and important differences that can help you identify the threat. It is your duty to recognise these signs so that we can fight them together.

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce -
The Axis of Evil...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Snowboarding Celebrities No. 1 - James Bond

In a shameless bit of populist coat-tailing, on the back of the new James Bond movie, The Quantum of Solace, we’ve got our very own insight into James Bond.

A lot of people know that Michael J Fox invented skateboarding and popularised the sport through the Back To The Future trilogy. What a lot of people don’t know is that James Bond, although not the actual inventor of snowboarding, had a massive effect on the establishment of the sport through the power of movievision.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Let’s face it one of the main reasons we do this sport is because we get to dress flash. Our pasty British skin doesn’t look good unless we are smothered in layers of clothes, so this is our ideal sport.

With the new season almost here, there will be some of you looking at this year’s range of heinous snowboarding fashion and scratching your heads. Fear not, it will all make sense if you understand that it’s a kind of uniform, a classic example of a non-conformist snowboarding conformity. Here are some basic rules that might just explain how it all works.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Fiction is not something you’re normally going to read about on this site, but the other day I came across a book that grabbed my attention. I’m a pretty keen exponent of judging a book by its cover and this one ticked a lot of my boxes…

Judging the book by its cover
  1. The cover has a silhouette of a snowboarder – A rarely seen feature in book cover design but always a good sign… in my book.
  2. Said snowboarder is jibbing Mont Blanc – Getting better
  3. There loads of purple circles and dots everywhere - I really hate the colour purple. It is the most untrustworthy of colours. This is a set-back.
Despite the warning signs of the purple design, on the whole the front cover is good.

I forged on and decided to investigate the very depths of cover judging, by reading the back

Sunday, October 26, 2008

(*Some of the following may actually be the truth). The history of illicit snowboarding is the history of snowboarding itself. It all started on the tiny island of Zanzibar, off the coast of Africa on the 26th August 1896. On the death of the Sultan a lad called Khalid bin Barghash rightfully succeeded the throne. The new sultan had done this without the permission of the British though and they were a tad miffed by his impertinence. The British declared war and 40 minutes later, after opening a can o’ wup-ass, the war finished with a decisive British victory. It was the shortest war in history... 

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