illicit Art Attack #1 - Pascal Jean Delorme.

Snowboarding always seems to attract creative people. At times it seems you can barely move for professional snowboarders who have a successful sideline in photography, movie making, clothing design, magazine writing or creating snowboard graphics. However this is is not the reality, it’s just that the non creative professional snowboarder types have the good sense to leave it well alone.

Just like the X Factor will find a few people that can sing it also manages to find the completely deluded in droves. To be honest my favourite bit has always been the shows at the start. Once they get rid of the freaks the whole show really losses my interest.

While perusing the Internet I have on numerous occasions been visually poisoned by these...how should I put it... mentals. There are in fact so many ‘artists’ that are worth covering that I realised that they couldn’t all be given the justice they deserved in just one article, so in what is going to be an intermittent series I would like to introduce...

illicit Art Attack #1 - Pascal Jean Delorme

Pascal is definitely one of the most prolific artists out there. Seemingly never actually selling any art he nonetheless churns out masses of the stuff.

Pascal has a website with a biography let’s take a look at some of the mistakes...

1. In the French language, the word "glisse" means "all boardsports"." Glisse sports" include snowboarding, windsurfing, skiing, jet skis, wakeboards, water skiing, surfing, and also in-line skating, and skateboarding . . .

Where exactly is the board in jet skiing or in-line skating?

2. He is French

3. He has made another mistake my wearing a ferociously bad shirt.

4. His worse mistake by far though is that his whole site is written in Comic Sans!

Now I know art is subjective which makes people think you can’t really judge it, however I would beg to disagree and here is my proof....

Is this lad wearing lipstick? Hang on a sec, fuck that, he's on fire!

Painting a feeling of movement can be quite a tricky thing. Pascal has not bothered to master that effect and has instead adopted a variation of cartoon action streaks to subtly indicate furious movement. This produced the odd effect that all his subjects appear to be on fire. I can confirm that this gallery is not full of crazy snowboarding jihadists it is just a painting effect.

Jet boy rides the center line of the motorway

Jet boy does appear to have a 2 foot long neck. You will notice a few anatomical oddities in Pascal's work.

Such as...The 9 foot-tall purple snowboarder

A classic straight-legged air.
I particularly like the addition of a small mountain in the bottom left corner. It gives this painting a lovely perspective.

It is of course impossible for anybody to achieve this grab without breaking their knees backwards. This is another of the themes running through Pascal's work. He really pushes his subjects beyond their limits.

This lad is clearly crimping one out mid-flight

After years of taunting, Jimmy the lemon headed man, makes a last fatal jump in to sweet oblivion.

and Clyde the giant blue worm carves a nice line

I think this is a glimpse of a snowboarding My Little Pony?

Its a full moon and this guy is being stalked by a massive shadow! Is he riding a ski?

One other thing that you may have noticed so far is that Pascal has only three colours. When you are a genius like Pascal having a palette that is limited to just three colours is sometimes too easy. Occasionally Pascal with reduce his colour selections.

A study in blue and yellow with little blue frog motif.
(If you have to write 'snowboarding art' on the painting so that people know what it actually is that is not a good sign)

A second study in blue and yellow. This time with yellow frogs.
The giant malformed face on the left will haunt your nightmares for the rest of your days.

A study in blue. 

Sometimes there is just too much snowboarding action to capture in just one painting! Pascal sporadically has to add several action shots to one picture and then attack the frame with paint. I think he ran out of action ideas for the frame in the centre on the left.

A second study in blue. Extraordinary aerial manoeuvres.

And finally he just got rid of all colour. Sketchy.

Pascal is not just a very bad painter of snowboarding. He is a very bad painter of a large number of other sports. Check out this navigation screen, he’s created an unintentional game. Try and match the sport to the picture. I got 6/10

And he doesn’t limit his genius to just sports. Like any rubbish artist he also has added scantily clad ladies to his portfolio. The only limitation for Pascal though is that he clearly can’t draw a face so all the pictures are from behind.

These are bad enough to make you consider going gay.

Now if any of you fancy making a purchase his site is fully ecommerced up and he has had some happy customers. Here are two of the reviews:

I thank you again....i so love your work. you have a wonderful gift to
share....happy holidays and "merci"

No name on that one but I think whoever it was begging for mercy.

Merci! They arrived today and I really like them. It will be the perfect surprise for my husband.
Keep it up!

Michelle , IL USA

I bet he was surprised!

That’s enough eye rape for today folks. If you want to buy some of Pascal's scrawlings head to his site. Its pretty much like donating to Scope.