Tuesday, January 10, 2012

A Compendium of Naked Snowboard Calendars

If you like the Western Christian Gregorian calendar, and you like naked people then here’s what you need to organise your life this year…

Hooters Calendar 2012

Slutty burger restaurant Hooters have released their 2012 bikini calendar. Hooters have been producing the calendars featuring their serving wenches since 1986 and in recent years a few of the ladies have been pictured draped over snowboards. 

An apparently important part of the naked snowboard calendar experience is the accompanying behind the scenes video. Here’s he least sinister one we’ve found featuring the above pictured Britney Johnson snowboarding. Worryingly she seems to exhibiting early signs of Parkinson’s as she involuntarily wiggles her breasts 25 seconds in.
You can buy the 2012 calendar for $12.95 and it “features just over 200 of the most beautiful girls in the country”. What we can’t quite figure out is how they distribute 200 girls through a year with 12 months and 365 days. If anybody knows the answer please feel free to drop us an explanation below. 

Friends of Berthoud Pass Calendar 2012
The Friends of Berthoud Pass is “a grassroots collective of backcountry enthusiasts committed to preserving the legacy of public recreation at Berthoud Pass through safety, access and education”. And what better way to publicise that cause than naked ladies.
Their first foray into the naked snowboard and ski calendar will set you back $15.

ABoards Kitegirls calendar 2012
ABoards are a kiteboarding company that produce a couple of snowboards in the mix. If you’ve not come across kiteboarding before, it’s like snowboarding but with a higher likelihood of death.
In a desperate attempt to encourage more people to become fodder for the sport ABoards have produced their first calendar for 2012

Strangely it’s also completely impractical at it's primary function of being a calendar. It’s apparently only visible to view as a a non-interactive slideshow once you 'like' their Facebook page.

Skilehrerinnen Kalender 2012
Featuring ski instructors and promoting a few resorts in Austria this traditionally soft porn calendar has been an annual event since 2004 churning out stuff like this. 

The snowboarders appeared in the 2008 version, so here’s the sinister making-of video. The girl appears at 2.30 (spoiler - she isn't actually floating on a snowboard) and the bloke doesn’t get a look in.
This year they’ve taken an abrupt change of direction and have gone for a nudity-free approach and featured the non-Austrian, non-instructing, US ski team member Julia Mancuso, for the premium price of €39.90 ($50). We confidently predict that they will go back to basics in 2013. 

Before we leave this one, here’s a bloke with a drinking problem. 
This is apparently a popular theme for photographers and is now a whole internet meme - Women Struggling to Drink Water 

Whistler Exposed 2012
Whistler Exposed exists purely to make bikini calendars. Started in 2010 some of the proceeds of this year's sales go to Spinal Cord Research

here's a weird sponsorship hook-up...

Here's the snowboarder in the 2012 edition...
In their sinister video of this year’s calendar the snowboarder appears at 1.45 accompanied by a remix of the theme tune of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and a lot of gawping punters. 

This year’s calendar is going for $20 a pop. 

Finally here’s a naked snowboard calendar that sadly seems to have passed away.
St Petersburg Snowboard Society  2011 Calendar
Snowboard.spb.ru produced this calendar for 2011, but there’s no sign of a 2012 version 

That's All Folks

You Might Also Like…
Either you now want to know more about kiteboarding in our article on wind-powered snowboards... 
Or, you want to look at more naked girls in our 2011 and 2012 porn gear guides. 

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